Bedroom from hell

I took some photos of my room last night because it's incredibly dirty.

I think my main problem here is clothing. There is just way too much of it and I can't seem to drive myself to put it away. Also there is a basket full of ironing up to my waist. Fuck. Oh well.

Adjective of the week

HYPERREAL
hyperreal [ˌhaɪpəˈrɪəl]

adj

1. (Fine Arts & Visual Arts / Art Terms) involving or characterized by particularly realistic graphic representation

2. (Sociology) (Philosophy) distorting or exaggerating reality

3. (Sociology) (Philosophy) pertaining to or creating a hyperreality

 

Here's some graphic representations thanks to google images

 

S-s-s-s-Sundaaaaayyy Fuuuuunnnday

This was the first Sunday I've had off in quite a while (fucking retail). I must say it was a delectably delightful.
My partners in crime were Stevens, Joshua and later on the one and only Nash.
Fun times were had over a tasty lunch of a 6" tuna sub with lettuce, tomato, cucumber, pickle, onion and jalapeno peppers. It was incredibly tasty and wholesome. Don't forget the italian herb bread.

I could barely get my mouth around the thing (lol). Its was stuffed full of vegetable goodness.

After lunch we ventured to Nash's house and played 2 thrilling games of darts. In the second I lost for the first time in 4 games. It was shattering and I'm not quite sure if I will ever recover from the shameful defeat or Josh's hurtful illustration of myself.

Sat night

Well it's that time of the day again. Flicking aimlessly through your daily websites, blogs and hardcore pornography and you happen across a brand spanking new post from your lazy overlord.
Saturday night was a relatively quiet one for myself. As opposed to painting the town red and spending waaaaay too much money I decided to go to the movies with a few sexy friends (you know who you are).
Now going to to the movies is never as exciting as going to the movies at The Astor. This is a single screen theatre which was built in the 1930's os it has this amazing old school cinematic vibe. It's double story as well so you have balcony seats and floor seats. The cool thing about this place is that it plays double features of movies you couldn't usually see at the cinemas. Also they have a cat which walks around the joint.

These pictures don't do the cinema justice. Its has such an awesome vibe. If you have ever been there you would understand what I'm talking about.

The two movies we saw were: Ponyo and Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. Both of which are anime movies from the acclaimed Hayao Miyazaki. Fortunately I had not seen either of these. They were pretty good but honestly I don't think double features are for me. A bit too long.

Regardless, the night was enjoyable and the company was great.

Walkin the dawg

As some people may know, we are selling our family homestead which really sucks because it means I have to move out and find somewhere to live. Anyway's some jerks were coming to look at our house today so I decided to go and take the dog for a walk otherwise I'd have to be there while they snoop around my house and listen to my dog going ballistic out in the backyard. I set off towards the back of Wyndham Vale so I could let my dog run around in the vacant (but soon to be super built-up shit hole dog box housing area) fields.
About 800 metres from my house it started to rain a little bit. I put my hood on and decided that the rain was heavy enough to continue. After a minute it started to get pretty heavy with no signs of letting up so I decided to wait under a tree for a little bit.
This is where I encountered the biggest cat I have ever seen.

The thing was fucking huuuuuuuuuuge. I thought it was a miniature bear. I think Zeena was pretty concerned as well. I thought it might scratch her face off so I kept her away from it.

Here's Zeena looking a little frightened

I thought it might be a good idea to get moving as the rain was letting up slightly. As we began walking it started pouring down rain. I ran for a bit but couldn't keep up with Zeena so I stopped beside a fence. (the rain was coming at such an angle it actually offered some protection.

I pretty much did a combination run/walk all the way home and was soaked through by the time I got there.
It sucked

Dinna Winna

I mostly can't be fucked cooking because I'm a lazy shit, but it's something that has to be done or I won't eat and neither will my dad and that wouldn't be very good now would it. Like most lazy people I leave cooking to until the very last minute and we end up eating later than usual, which I think is the reason why what I cook is usually pretty good. You see? eh eh.
So tonight I cooked crumbed pork with cabbage salad. According to nine msn recipes (which is where I usually find the stuff I cook) it's an Asian/Japanese/Modern Australian dish. Wrap your head around that one folks.
I didn't take many pics this time because I forgot/cbf. Also this was my first time crumbing stuff so it was pretty fun.
First i took 400g of pork loin steaks (yum yum). Smashed them until they were a bit thinner and stuff.
Then you dunk them into some flour, then into and egg smooshed up into a bowl, then in your bread crumbs.

That's my little crumbing station. looks kinda seedy.

After you crumb the shit outta your junk. whack it on a plate(any colour) and frisbee into the fridge(door open).

Once thats done, you take like a quarter of a cabbage and mulch that shit up and then grate a carrot into it. toss it a bit(lol) and then squeeze a whole lemon over it. Then toss some more.

Here is the crumbed pork and the cabbage salad mixtureeeeeeeeee.

I then cooked up some of that packet rice stuff on my ovenator 2009 because i didn't think the other stuff was enough. this is just a little bit of extra bonus. Start cooking the rice stuff before you start frying up your pork.

When the rice stuff is almost done you should start on the pork because they are both going on the same plate at the same time so you can eat them both.

Put a whole nice hit of oil in the pan so its all oily like. then crank it up. Once its nice and hot slam in your crumbed pork. It doesn't have to cook very long otherwise the pork will be tough as shit. Just make sure its nice and brown and crunchy on the outside. Don't worry about getting worms from not cooking pork  enough. (IDK if that can acutally happen. I think I heard it somewhere. Probably anit-pork types spreading hurtful rumours about the delicious creature). Anyways now im off track.

Now that your pork is cooked you want to put your salad stuff on the plate then slice up the pork and place it nice and fancy-like on top on it. Then just whack your rice on the plate and you're golden.

So tasty and very filling too. Also pretty easy for you lazy shits.

Thursday Grill'd

It's been a while since my last post. Already getting lazy, this was inevitable folks. Oh well. ummmmmmm, do de do de do. Yeah, so last Thursday I went out and had Grill'd burger for the first time ever. It was actually pretty delicious, pretty pricey also.
Here's a shitty pic of the outside

It's a bit blurry because I was standing at the lights and had to start crossing. Also I thought I looked like a bit of a dickhead standing out the front of some burger place taking a photo with my phone.

That was the burger I had. I think it was called the pickled mustard burger or something very similar. It contained one lean meat patty, tomato, a shit load of lettuce, cheese and you guessed it, pickles and mustard. Tasty tasty burger. I would probably eat there again. Also the service was good and all the workers were friendly.

Here's a couple more pics of my companions.

 

Dinner Time - Paella Time

Last night I cooked dinner and it was pretty fantastic. I wouldn't call myself a great cook since all I make is shit that you can just chuck in together and cook for a while and it usually turns out ok. the dish in question is Paella.
For those of you playing at home (have I already used that) paella is a spanish rice dish that usually involves an ass load of seafood. I don't like seafood so I replaced it with chicken and chorizo sausage.

All you have to do first is chop up some carrots, a brown onion, a red capsicum and 1 chorizo sausage. 

Also these babies. Chic peas are the best.

After that you fry all that stuff up in some oil until the veggies get kinda soft.

Then you smash in your 400g of chicken all cut upand also 2 cloves of crushed garlic, 1 teaspoon of tumeric and 2 teaspoons of paprika. once the chicken is cooked a bit then you pop in 2 1/2 cups of chicken stock and 2 cups of ummmmmmm, what's it called? Arborio rice. then cook that untill it starts to bubble/boil.

once thats done, just throw it all into some kind of oven baking dish thing that's big enough to hold it all and chop up a lemon to put over the op of it. also cover it with aluminum foil and such. cook it for about 30 mins

whilst you are waiting you can enjoy a tasty mexican beer

all the rice should have puffed up and not be hard and crunchy. then you can eat it.

My First Krush

Yesterday I had a KFC Krush. The only reason I bought it was because I had a coupon for one with a free regular chips. Also I was curious as to how they tasted. I had the mango/wildberry ice 'Krush.' Honestly it wasn't fantastic. kind of dull flavour. Perhaps the other styles are better but idk. Probably wouldn't buy another one. Although I wouldn't vomit if you made me drink one.

shameless advertising for Ted's right there. I'm being paid $50,000 for this blog post. Yeah I'm a sellout. fuck you

Kids say the darndest things

Today I have a day off work. Pretty sweet huh? Yeah I thought so too. I was rummaging around in some cupboard looking for nothing in particular when i happened across this gem.

I have no idea how old I was when I produced this amazing piece but I'm guessing I was fairly young. What I don't completely understand is that it's a father's day card to my dad and I'm telling him not to pick his nose like my dad. It's a bit weird.
Maybe I had some secret second dad who was a notorious nose treasure hunter. Who knows?

Frisbo Time!!!/Frisbee Tyme

HOly fuuuuck yes!! daylight savings is back and it's back with vengeance. What a great time of year to be outside and enjoying the world. And what better way to enjoy life than throwing a hard plastic disc to and fro. lordy lordy lord!!

Frisbo came about when a Samsung phone rep dropped a whole bunch of free shit at my place of employment (Vodafone).

We also were given samsung hats and maybe some other stupid shit but this was by far the best. Honestly I think this frisbee is the best thing the Samsung company hasever produced. hahahaa.

Good going Samsung, you've got a real winner here.

Here are some sweet action shots. I still haven't got the hang of picture layouts on here so shit's kinda all over the place. forgiv-a-ness pleassseee.

 

 

Also ben sucks at taking photos. I still admire and respect his efforts. I always will. Ben... I love you buddy, no seriously I love you, like the kind of love that only exists in fairy tales. I hope you are reading this. Well enough of that awkwardness.

The canine also got involved is frisbee/frisbo fun:

Thankyou Costco

Well it's finally happened. Costco is here!! woooooo hooray.
Sadly I haven't actually been there myself but I have been blessed with gifts from the almighty Costco. I'm definitely planning on making the trip out there one day to enjoy the hugeness and cheapness of it.
The reason why I'm thanking Costco is for thiiiisssssss.....

A whopping 1.814KG of gourmet jelly beans. Holy fuck!! I love these things and it's only like $20 for that huge container as opposed to $5 for a tiny little box of them. Wow

Also I have to thank Jess' dad because he's the one who actually bought them for me.
Great buy Rychard, great buy, you did good kid, real good.

Here's just a few of the amazing flavours you can expect to taste if you reach your big pink hands into this barrel of candy sex: cantaloupe, cream soda, very cherry, cinnamon, green apple..... i could go on but who really wants to know every flavour?

But seriously folks this stuff is tasty. get on it!!

Demon Dog of the West........ern suburbs

Day number 2 of the amazing wonderful blog experiment. (I'm not actually going to be keeping track of days, it just seemed like the right way to start)
I borrowed Jess' (girlfriend) camera so I could take photos of stuff I wanted to put into this blog. I mean how boring would this shit be to read if I didn't include any pictures. Thankfully I didn't include any pictures in my guest bloggers guest blog (haha). Anyways, where was I?? Oh yeah, I borrowed a camera so I could take photos of stuff. So here's a couple of pictures of the beloved family canine 'Zeena.' She doesn't usually look so psychotic. I was kinda stirring her up for a bit of excitement.
 

I think at this moment she was about to jump up and bit my pretty face off. Thankfully she didn't.

Here's an amazing action shot of her running at me. As a side note please enjoy my house's amazing brown, weird styled tiles.

Pooing and you! A guest blog

Ok I've just started this blog site and I'm already dishing out the heavy duty facts of life that everyone deals with but nobody likes to talk about. Don't thank me for this handy information. You can direct all the praise/hate mail/sexual propositions to my enlightened next door neighbour. Here we go.

1. Not all farts are wet, but some are. Ever find yourself, well anywhere really. Walking sitting laying down and feel the intense urge to fart. Generally the feeling comes on pretty fast and you can't always be accurate given 100% of people find farts funny. Sometimes, you wanna get it out quickly and then its too late, you shit your pants. So what do you do when a loud noise becomes a wet nightmare? Answer: Plastic bags are easy to come by, even a maccas paper bag, you can find them in rubbish bins everywhere. "But Ben that's dirty". Well so is shitting your pants, so suck it up. Now the last thing you need is someone finding out you shit your pants, so you'd be best to find a toilet or a dark alley in which to rip your shit stained undies off and free ball it. While you're there its probably a good idea to take a shit and make sure you don't have anything backed up that may leak out later, the world is a dangerous place and you don't need shit running down your legs trying to shuffle after a disaster grog bog. The plastic bag and stuff is only for safe disposal, you could always wrap it up in paper towels or if you're a dumbass wash them in a sink and dry them out at a hand dryer. Dead set I did this once, I just ate indian food and was about to walk up some stairs. Anyway, always wear jocks, boxers will let that 'shit' run down your leg, then you're fucked. Anyway, next week wiping will be the topic of issue.

Amazing stuff Benny boy. I'm just proud to be able to deliver it to the masses. Thaaankyou

Farm Life!

Friends and acquaintances may or may not know that I have been filling some of my spare time with a gem of a time-waster/closet addiction called Farm Town. 'What is this Farm Town?' I hear you asking while you look at me scratching your empty little head. Basically it's a game where you plow fields and grow various types of fruit and vegetables. AMAAAAZING. So once you plant and grow crops you sell them for money which you use to buy stupid decorations like houses and lakes and other assorted things for your farm.
Heres an example of my farm at the moment.(i don't know if you will be able to see much)

So after making money and putting silly things on your farm you gain experience and get to higher and higher levels which allows you to buy more stuff. Sounds stupid I know but it's somehow highly addictive.

It's Finally Happened

Welcome one and all to the first of possibly many (or very few) super cool/informative/exciting blogs by me, Evan Bickham. It's been a while coming and I'm pretty happy with myself for actually doing this.
It's a welcome change to sitting in front of the computer doing nothing and staring at the same things over and over again, even if nobody reads this garbled rubbish.