Ok I've just started this blog site and I'm already dishing out the heavy duty facts of life that everyone deals with but nobody likes to talk about. Don't thank me for this handy information. You can direct all the praise/hate mail/sexual propositions to my enlightened next door neighbour. Here we go.
1. Not all farts are wet, but some are. Ever find yourself, well anywhere really. Walking sitting laying down and feel the intense urge to fart. Generally the feeling comes on pretty fast and you can't always be accurate given 100% of people find farts funny. Sometimes, you wanna get it out quickly and then its too late, you shit your pants. So what do you do when a loud noise becomes a wet nightmare? Answer: Plastic bags are easy to come by, even a maccas paper bag, you can find them in rubbish bins everywhere. "But Ben that's dirty". Well so is shitting your pants, so suck it up. Now the last thing you need is someone finding out you shit your pants, so you'd be best to find a toilet or a dark alley in which to rip your shit stained undies off and free ball it. While you're there its probably a good idea to take a shit and make sure you don't have anything backed up that may leak out later, the world is a dangerous place and you don't need shit running down your legs trying to shuffle after a disaster grog bog. The plastic bag and stuff is only for safe disposal, you could always wrap it up in paper towels or if you're a dumbass wash them in a sink and dry them out at a hand dryer. Dead set I did this once, I just ate indian food and was about to walk up some stairs. Anyway, always wear jocks, boxers will let that 'shit' run down your leg, then you're fucked. Anyway, next week wiping will be the topic of issue.
Amazing stuff Benny boy. I'm just proud to be able to deliver it to the masses. Thaaankyou
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